The doors are never locked.
The call to worship is, "Ya'll come on in!"
People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
The preacher says, "I'd like Bubba to help take up the offering." and five men stand up.
The restroom is outside.
Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."
In the annual stewardship drive there is at least a pledge of "two calves".
Never in it's entire 100 year old history has one of it's pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
When it rains, everybody is smiling.
Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale".
The church directory doesn't have last names.
The pastor wears boots.
Four generations of one family sit together every Sunday.
The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbor's can't leave them a bag of squash.
There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
Baptism is referred to as "branding".
There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic system.
Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
You miss the service one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
High notes on the organ set the dogs in the parking lot to howling.
People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear!"